Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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