Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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