I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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