i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
