Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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