Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
