i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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