so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
