1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I have post one night stand depression
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
