so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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