he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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