I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
