the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
