it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
