So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
