i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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