He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
