I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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