She is in my trunk
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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