I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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