if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
