I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
