Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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