i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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