Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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