you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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