Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
