went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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