So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
