I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize