I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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