Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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