Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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