I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
