Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
should my penis look like a turkey
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
