If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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