Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My cat gives me a boner
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
