I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
