I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick very happy bro
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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