I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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