very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
ok first of all what the fuck
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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