Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
