It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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