There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize