there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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