no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
