I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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