How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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