Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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