The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
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We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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