Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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