I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
