I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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