I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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