At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
