Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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